Warning, Don’t read my stuff.

I am watching the world.  I watch the decorations being hung down the streets, in the stores and the never ending assault on my mind from those who are dancing endlessly, mindlessly and without hope, to the muzak that is coming over every speaker, everywhere.

My friend lost three factories and that is sad, but it is even sadder because he supports the poor and needy.  Now we talk about what we cannot do this year, not for ourselves, but for those that have been graced by God with… nothing.  Still, they will sing and worship and be grateful for what they have because there are those that have… nothing and are going to die in unprecedented numbers as I write this.

Sorry, let me go back to my cave.  I can do nothing but pray.  TED talks about saving the world, feeding the hungry and meeting needs are surrounded by folks that haven’t a worry in the world and have the money to change the world, in their pockets, on their wrists and around their necks.

I am pissed off at God.  Strike me dead all you name it and claim it Christians but I feel a real loss at being able to help those in Prison and especially, those little kids that I know, who are not going to make it (to what).  I have a cartoon in my head.  It was of an aid worker talking to a group of impoverished and dying people.  His balloon showed pictures of Wal-Mart and unending bliss, shopping for Jesus junk and stuff to a crowd of dying people.  Then, a woman was talking about the sweat shops and violence she saw in utopia.  Then a third was talking about the smog, traffic jams and violence he saw in utopia.  The next pane of comics showed them burring the aid worker alive.

I am listening to a drug crazed victim of society that lives next door.  Smoking, hacking and coughing from a dependency on a lifestyle that cannot be supported.  My neighbor is dependent on society for drugs to calm fears of abandonment and rejection and the alternative offered is a mindless Christianity where we talk of being blessed, as long as we do not look around at the needs of others.

Living in towns and countries where I know the hammer of God is going to fall, yep, read it in Revelations and weep, but, it is coming.  The insanity of running around saying you are blessed when the numbers of the dead, dying and starving are …   Excuse me while I do not weep, my eyes are dry because there is nothing I can do.

I am sitting here, studying Hebrew, Greek, Aramaic and Arabic, wondering why I would be blessed to stand on top of a mountain with world leaders through TED talks and the internet and then, be condemned to not being able to do anything.

Pardon me, I don’t want to sing and dance and claim the blessings of God.  I want to help some of my friends from around the world that will be in your e-mails and on the covers of your mission magazines.  God why show me if I can’t do anything about it?

Merry, Happy, Blessed, Joyful, be, but for me, I would rather … pray